Once in a while, when I find myself drowning, she’ll release her blue black ink, and everything’s clouds again. I’m hypnotized, and sometimes it’s beautiful. Somehow, an ember glows underneath the soaked ground. There must be an invention. It must be simple.

Now that we’re back home (for the moment) and have space to settle in, we’ve been laying out the foundations for a music project along with the rest of the sheet rock and furniture.  I’m always looking for inspiration – not necessarily in the usual places.

I’ve been trying to capture intense emotion in music – something I think I was not concerned enough with back when we performed with the band. The music and the images in this video claw at the soul. Mesmerizing.

Write in an indelible ink what you know is true: friendship, love, evil, light, music, art, beauty, integrity, passion, originality.
Believe in what is written strongly enough to have to cross it out and wear it forever.

Write in clay and graphite who and what you can forgive.
Pardon a fault. Erase it.
Trust that if it is written and erased with frequency,
it will leave its mark as time passes.

One day the list will be so long everyone will have forgotten about it
and you might come to a place where you can tear a fresh sheet.
Write again with an indelible ink.

Eyes on the prize, Violet!

Everything’s a trade-off
In the past couple of years, we
-left our jobs in NYC and our apartment in JC
-followed the big sky across the Midwest and moved to South Dakota
-swam the blue waters of South Florida for over half a year
-pounded the pavement working/living full-time in Manhattan for 6 mos
-semi-retired to this farm for the winter.

We are technically newbies when it comes to traveling the US, but I have learned this: There are pros and con$ to all of the “lives” we’ve lived.
What’s important is the ability to adapt. There are those who are perfectly content with where they are, and that’s great.  However, it’s one thing to love where you are, and it’s another to be stuck in a routine. There is no one place I’ve visited that “has it all”, but each place has something unique and awesome to offer! I will welcome the opportunity to try something new, especially new places!

Who cares what other people think, really?
I care about what people think, more often than I’d like to admit. In trying to live this life where I’ve prioritized life and not work, I’ve come across a gamut of reactions that I’ve learned to take with a grain of salt. Some hear a romantic tale of adventure and start to daydream about quitting their jobs. Others snear and dismiss us, saying we’re crazy hippies. Basically, I’ve come to the conclusion that no one knows anything about anyone else’s situation. It’s not possible! I will not spend so much time discerning between people who truly care about my happiness (which I already know is not as often as I’d like) and people who are just, well… projecting their issues onto me.

Eyes on the prize, Violet…
Working part time has been a goal of mine for over a year, and I’ve finally reached that point. As soon as I hit part-time, my blog started taking off. I won’t list all of my current goals here (a lot of them are mini goals for my blog), but my point is, if you have a goal, eventually you reach it. It may come slowly or quickly. It may take some sacrifice (ehemm), but you get there. You just have to keep those eyes on that prize!

What really matters
I’m not trying to wax poetic, and I’m certainly not going to say “all you need is love”. When I really think about what keeps me truly happy, I think about spending the day under the shining sun, and having my best friend (Anthony) to share it with me. My best days are when we laugh together, hang out with friends, eat homemade food with family, record songs, and take photos. That’s the best there is! I am promising myself to make a life where I do these things as much as possible!

It’s 2012, BABY!

An ideal workspace should inspire you to grow, to think, and to be creative.  Ideas need a place to be LOUD.

“The trick to not feeling cheated is to learn how to cheat.” – Penelope, The Brothers Bloom

When I saw Penelope in The Brothers Bloom, I thought, hey, she’s a bit like me; she collects hobbies!  (She’s even from NJ and had severe allergies a child.)

While I have many, many, hobbies, I certainly don’t juggle chainsaws.  But I definitely relate to her point of view.  The collection and practice of multiple hobbies is both an escape and a way to prove yourself.

People often ask me how I do so many things, but the truth of it is that all my hobbies are just coping mechanisms. I just feel cheated.   This feeling comes often, but like Penelope, I have to trick myself into not feeling that way anymore.  So, I keep busy and find the beauty in everything I can.

Penelope: This was a story about a girl who could find infinite beauty in anything – any little thing   … I told myself this story until it became true.  Now, did doing this help me to escape a wasted life, or did it blind me so I wouldn’t want to escape it? I don’t know.  But either way, I was the one telling my own story.  So no, I don’t feel cheated at all. – The Brothers Bloom, card trick scene

However, things beyond my control have found a way to push me back just as I was getting comfortable.
The warmth, the sun, and the sand will be replaced once again with the grit, tall buildings, and concrete.

I’m excited for what’s ahead, but I’ve never felt so sad about leaving a place.

Here comes another move.  I’ll leave behind some newly acquired possessions, some trinkets, and lots of good intentions.  I’ll pack new memories, stuffed in with the old lessons and take them with me.  I’ll quietly surrender to where life is leading, but I will match every move, unchecked.

It will be good to be home, with the latest outlook.  The anticipation of great things hangs in the air.

When I was just 13
Pastor laid hands on me
He was forgiven
But I’m still unclean

Tear yourself a bandage
Suck it up and let it heal
Take a coal and burn it
Don’t be a baby don’t you squeal

Cuz He saved you when you were on drugs
And He saves you when you’re really stuck
And you are clean
Clean and free

I wanna know about
Things that are not allowed
I bite my lip I bite my
Tongue the sheet

When I turned 23
What piece was left of me
A pointed finger
And I’m still unclean

Tear yourself a bandage
Dust it off and let it heal
Take a coal and burn it
Don’t be a baby don’t you squeal

Cuz he saved you when you were on drugs
And he saves you when you’re really stuck
And you are clean
Clean and free

Tear yourself a bandage
Wrap it up and let it heal
Take a coal and burn it
Don’t be a baby don’t you squeal

Cuz he saved you when you were on drugs
And he saves you when you’re really stuck
And even when you’re just 13
You should’ve known to disagree
Cuz no one likes a sob story

And you are clean
Free and clean
You are clean
Clean and free

(I hate to post lyrics without a demo. Coming soon.)

The first was taken during the romantic lull of a laparoscopic case in the OR.   My sharp back pain hits, and there’s the hypagognic jerk.  How long have I been in here?

The second photo was taken when I was let out of work early. I started to walk toward the rhythmic water, just outside the hospital.  The breeze swept my hair to the side, the sun was warming my aching back, and the salty scent of the beach was in the air.  In this photo, it’s just out of reach.

I am always chasing my dreams.  I’m almost there.